The top 10 signs $DEITY hates you

I felt in a [tag]funny[/tag] mood today, decided to make up one of those [tag]top 10[/tag] lists, picked an appropriately [tag]cynical[/tag] topic, made a list, blogged the results. I hope to inspire some dark-comic smiles.

10) You woke up this morning floating down a river… in a different country
9) Your significant other had a gender-change last night… and chose to let you ‘find out for yourself’
Alcohol seems to have no effect on you
7) You just drove over a cliff… that wasn’t there yesterday.
6) You’ve been hit by lightning 42 times…. since lunch
5) You woke up this morning in a full body cast… asking what happened merely causes the nursing staff to break out in giggles.
4) You’ve just been attacked by a dinosaur.
3) You seem to be the first person in 150 years to develop the black plague.
2) A giant grasshopper swarm ate your garden and lawn yesterday – nobody else lost a leaf.

And my number 1 sign that $DEITY hates you:
1) You’ve just been told that your life insurance is cancelled due to ‘imminent disqualification’