My date with Yo-Landi Vi$$er.

Now I know I’m fokken famous but I was still kina surprized when my phone rang and Yo-Landi asked me out cos she’s way more fokken famous than I is. At least now that MaxNormal ditched the three-piece suits and reinvented themselves as Die Antwoord.
I’m not even all that used to girls asking me out, throwing me undies with their number on is a more usual approach but I guess she’s a bit fokken old-fashioned in that regard. So I spent some time thinking what a chick like her would actually, you know like, dig and shit, and came up with this perfect date plan.

Hired the perfect car (a 1988 Toyota Hilux bakkie met fucked suspension), and picked her up from her posh pozzie in *censored* where her bra’s DJ HiTek and Max Waddy first read me the fokken leviete about taking good care of her and not fokken playing with their little friend and having her home before fokken dawn…
So off we go to her favorite fokken restaurant (a wimpy drive through) and then to go watch the the city lights from some fokken naais romantiek hilltop somewhere. Next fokken thing I know… she’s like: “bru… jy’s fokken tasty, pomp my.”.. and one thing jumped on another en toe creak daai fokken hilux se springs harder as HiTek se fokken next-level beats.

I had to stick my finger in her mouth to suck on – but mostly to make her stop trying to fokken dirty talk cos that’s just not on … at least, not the fokken way she does it… what can I fokken say ? I mean she may be a fokken zef rapper but I don’t think rapping the lyrics of rich-bitch during orgasm is all that fokken appealing, besides she can’t rap as fast as fokken Max so she wasn’t keeping up with the rythm of the fokken springs and I wasn’t gonna slow that down. Fok daai kak.

Anyways, about five seconds later she’s complaining cos I’m taking too long and she’s getting fokken tired, so we finish off and I drop her off…

She’s fokken awesome.

DISCLAIMER: This post is a parody review of the band. I did not in fact go on an actual date with Yo-Landi in a Hilux (or any other vehicle) and I did
not in fact sleep with her, or in fact ever even meet her (so if there’s ever a paternity claim I know it aint mine)…
I just wanted to get into the spirit of the thing. I dig the irony of the band, and I hope they’ll dig the irony of my chosen review style.