Filkday: The sound of stupid.

My thanks to JHBPrincess for the line that inspired this one.
Sung (of course) to the melody of: The sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkle

——-
Hello Friday, my old friend
I’ve come to walk with you again
Because a week softly burning
Left it’s scars while I was working
And the users that were standing at my desk
Were insane
And spewed the sound of stupid

——-
In directory trees I walked alone
Ten milion files of mpeg-one
Wading through penis-enlargement spam
And then the real mail isn’t worth a damn
When my eyes were stabbed by a website in adobe flash
That split my brain
And screeched the sound of stupid

——-
And in the monitor light I saw
People praising “Avatar”
People talking without thinking
People typing without spelling
People writing crap that braincells never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of stupid

——-
“Fools,” said I, “you do not know
Stupid like a cancer grows
Read my blog and I might teach you
Switch of Britney and I might reach you”
But they all said “STFU fag”
And clammored with the sound of stupid

——-
And the idiots bowed to pray
To the pop idols they wanted to lay
And the signs flashed out their warnings
In the words that they were forming
And the signs said “Caution: coffee burns when hot”
And “Am I hot” ?
And I wept at the sound of stupid.

My date with Yo-Landi Vi$$er.

Now I know I’m fokken famous but I was still kina surprized when my phone rang and Yo-Landi asked me out cos she’s way more fokken famous than I is. At least now that MaxNormal ditched the three-piece suits and reinvented themselves as Die Antwoord.
I’m not even all that used to girls asking me out, throwing me undies with their number on is a more usual approach but I guess she’s a bit fokken old-fashioned in that regard. So I spent some time thinking what a chick like her would actually, you know like, dig and shit, and came up with this perfect date plan.

Hired the perfect car (a 1988 Toyota Hilux bakkie met fucked suspension), and picked her up from her posh pozzie in *censored* where her bra’s DJ HiTek and Max Waddy first read me the fokken leviete about taking good care of her and not fokken playing with their little friend and having her home before fokken dawn…
So off we go to her favorite fokken restaurant (a wimpy drive through) and then to go watch the the city lights from some fokken naais romantiek hilltop somewhere. Next fokken thing I know… she’s like: “bru… jy’s fokken tasty, pomp my.”.. and one thing jumped on another en toe creak daai fokken hilux se springs harder as HiTek se fokken next-level beats.

I had to stick my finger in her mouth to suck on – but mostly to make her stop trying to fokken dirty talk cos that’s just not on … at least, not the fokken way she does it… what can I fokken say ? I mean she may be a fokken zef rapper but I don’t think rapping the lyrics of rich-bitch during orgasm is all that fokken appealing, besides she can’t rap as fast as fokken Max so she wasn’t keeping up with the rythm of the fokken springs and I wasn’t gonna slow that down. Fok daai kak.

Anyways, about five seconds later she’s complaining cos I’m taking too long and she’s getting fokken tired, so we finish off and I drop her off…

She’s fokken awesome.

DISCLAIMER: This post is a parody review of the band. I did not in fact go on an actual date with Yo-Landi in a Hilux (or any other vehicle) and I did
not in fact sleep with her, or in fact ever even meet her (so if there’s ever a paternity claim I know it aint mine)…
I just wanted to get into the spirit of the thing. I dig the irony of the band, and I hope they’ll dig the irony of my chosen review style.

100 truths about silentcoder

100 Truths! After you’ve filled this out, TAG 10 people and have them do the same.

1. Last beverage ~ black filter coffee
2. Last phone call~ Anita, wanted to check if I was okay.
3. Last kiss~ does a “hello” peck from a friend count ? Because that greatly influences the answer.
4. Last song you listened to~ 36 Crazy Fists: Slit-wrist theory.
5. Last time you cried~ Tuesday night, after a day of the ex-wife reminding me exactly WHY she’s my EX wife.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice ~ Yes
7. Been cheated on? ~ Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it ? ~ Yes
9. Lost someone special? ~ Yes
10. Been depressed? ~ Yes
11. Been high? –> Yes

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Black
13. Sunset-red
14. Lightblue

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Have you made new friends this year ~ Yes
16. Fallen out of love ~ Yes (well the year’s just started, but if you count “last 12 months” then yes)
17. Laughed until you cried ~ Yes
18. Met someone who changed you ~ No
19. Found out who your true friends were ~ Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you ~ Yes
21. Kissed anyone on your top friends list ~ Yes *blush*

TRUTH:
23. How many kids do you want to have ~ I would like one or two, one day.
24. Do you have any pets ~ Cat and a Dog.
25. Do you want to change your name ~ I kina did, no legal change, just started using my initials as my name several years ago.
26. What did you do for your last birthday ~ Threw a small intimate party at a cocktail bar.
27. What time did you wake up today ~ around 6:30
28. What were you doing at midnight last night ~ Watching Jeff Dunham.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for ~ No comment.
30. Last time you saw your father ~ Mid-December.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ~ I would really like a six-pack… yes it’s shallow but even I sometimes have shallow vanities…
32. What are you listening to right now ~ The sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom ~ Yes, my best friend in highschool’s dad was named Tom. Was a very cool guy, a writer who inspired me to write.
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now? ~ People who can’t tell the difference between a mailing-list and a reply-all list.
36. What’s your real name ~ Dream On.
37. Relationship Status ~ Single and available for short-term leases.
38. Zodiac sign ~ Aries
39. Male or female ~ Male
40.Primary School ~ Pierneef Skool
41. High School ~ Oos-Moot
43. Hair color ~ Black, but my blonde roots are starting to show.
44. Long or short ~ My hair or me ? :P Hair is long, for a guy anyway.
45. Height ~ 185cm
46. Do you have a crush on someone ~ yeah… maybe more than one…
47. What do you like about yourself ~ I want to spend my life making the world a better place, ironically, this is also what I hate about myself.
48. Piercings ~ left ear.
49. Tattoos ~ Two.
50. Righty or lefty ~ Ambidextrous.

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery ~ tonsils 3yrs
52. First piercing ~ Left Ear, age 18.
53. First tattoo ~ Aged 19, on a random Saturday morning after spending weeks looking for the perfect electric guitar picture.
54. First best friend ~ Trevor
55. First Sport ~ Sheez, I can’t remember.
56. First pet ~ dog
57. First vacation ~ First I remember was a trip to badplaas in the low-feld, must have been 4 or 5 years old.
58. First concert ~ Cutting Jade at Tequila Sunrise (this was a few years before they got signed, when nobody knew who they were)
59. First crush ~ Aaah Cindy… she was a sweetheart. We were 7 years old.
60. First alcohol drink ~ well appart from the odd sip of wine with my parents, I had my first beer around age 16.

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating ~ Haven’t yet, I don’t eat breakfast and it’s too early for lunch.
62. Drinking ~ nothing
63. I’m about to ~ Sign of a customer ticket
64. Listening to ~ Still they clacking of keys.
65. Waiting for ~ lunchtime.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OTHER SEX?
69. Lips or eyes~ eyes
70. Hugs or kisses ~ either
71. Shorter or taller ~ Shorties are adorable, but sometimes taller can be more sensual… bearing has more to do with whether you look good for your height than your height ever will.
72. Older or Younger ~ Couldn’t care less.
73. Romantic or spontaneous ~ What ? No option for “explosive” ?
74. Nice stomach or nice arms ~ Both please.
75. Tattoos or piercings ~ Both are sexy as hell.
76. Sensitive or loud ~ confident, smart and self-assured.
77. Hook-up or relationship ~ RIght now, hook-up, but the right person could change my mind.
78. Trouble maker or hesitant ~ I’m a trouble-maker, I prefer the company of fellow trouble-makers.

HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger ~ Yes
80. Drank hard liquor ~ yes
81. Lost glasses/contacts ~ No
82. cried in front of someone ~ yes
83. Broken someone’s heart ~ Yes, though always when I believed it was ultimately in their best interest as well.
84. Had your own heart broken ~ Yep…
85. Been arrested ~ mmm, no.
86. Turned someone down ~ Not as often as I should have.
87. Cried when someone died ~ Yes.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl ~ Most of my friends have always been girls, my whole life, and sometimes – I’ve liked them like “that” too.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself ~ too much perhaps.
90. Miracles ~ nope.
91. Love at first sight ~ I used to. Learned a harsh lesson.
92. Heaven ~ Sometimes.
93. Santa Clause ~ Yep, he’s existence is a historical fact. But the mythology around him should be treated as such.
94. Kissing on the first date ~ Absolutely.
95. Angels ~ The kind who wear leather and ride Harley’s.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now – No comment.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time ~ Hell no, one is more than enough work !
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever ~ For some people.
99. What’s the one thing you cannot live without ~ Heavy Metal
100. Posting this as 100 Truths ~ Yes