Dallace posted yet another list of reasons why chocolate is better than sex… we’ve all seen the lists of why beer is supposedly better than sex as well.
I felt moved, a sense of urgency to correct these massive misconceptions and stand up for sex which seems to be fairly constantly targetted for it’s long-cherished position as a favorite human pastime.
So I said that I’d bet I could come up with no less than 50 reasons why sex beat both. She dared me… you all know I never back down from a dare – so here, goes. Only, my lunchbreak is too short, so I only did 20, but I could have done another 30 quite easily (and unlike all those lists – my list doesn’t contain duplicates).
Note: I have since edited it a little for formatting and clarity.
- A beercan only has one hole. So much for variety.
- If you have chocolate in a public place … it doesn’t feel dangerous and fun.
- Sex actually burns calories.
- Beer is nice on a hot day, sex in a pool is nicer.
- Sex actually reduces your bloodpresure (afterward anyway)
- When you eat a chocolate, it never returns the favor.
- Cuddling a beer can after your done… well it’s just so empty.
- You can never have another round of chocolate without getting a new one.
- You don’t get to have fun experimenting with glow-in-the-dark cherry-flavored beer-steins.
- What would be the point of playing dress-up to eat chocolate ?
- With sex, mixing white and black just makes it more fun (well mind you, chocolate has that one too… but nobody could survive drinking Lager and Stout together)
- There are no fun electronic devices on the market to enhance your chocolate eating.
- You can have sex any time, you can’t eat chocolate before breakfast or late at night. (Thanks to jhbprincess for that one).
- If you have chocolate 5 times a day, you’ll just get fat.
- Flirting, suggestive looks and phrases and chatting up a beer just makes you feel stupid
- A chocolate will never tell you how pretty you are.
- You can never remind yourself “This beer is being drank by me, by choice, so it doesn’t care that I don’t have David Tennant’s hair”. You have to confront instead that the beer is drunk by you without any choice in the matter and if it could have chosen, probably would have chosen somebody from a magazine cover to be drank by instead.
- Chocolate in lingerie is just a mess that leaves a stain you never quite get out…
- If you have two beers at the same time, you get an intervention. If you have a threesome, you get applause.
- Too much beer or chocolate make you throw up… there is no such thing as too much sex.