Universal Truths

This remains my personal favorite poem, I still believe it’s the best I ever wrote

Other people’s truths, my poem, a little funny, a little profound, a little sexy

A universal truth as it were
May not be true in any other universe

Three things are for sure
Death, taxes and people who cannot reverse

Ketchup can make anything taste good
Except for other ketchup

95 percent of the people you choose to go out with
Your not going to like at all

97 percent of the people who choose you to go out with
Are not going to like you at all

Customer service does not go down
Customer stupidity goes up

Remember it takes 47 muscles to frown
And only four to stick your middle finger up

Love is the greatest jewel of all
Without it, life would be empty

Love is the greatest torture of all
Love is both the above, in that order

You can never trust anybody who kisses with open eyes
Believe me, I tested this one

No matter how hard a man tries
He can never find every female erogenous zone*

No matter how hard a woman tries
She can never live up to the porno films men grow up with

Men have standards too
They just don’t impose them as strictly as woman do

You should see a psychologist
If you think any of the above isn’t true